rob's reflections

Recently, a group of nurses asked me to come to their unit so that they could share and process about a death that they recently had dealt with. I didn’t say much, I asked a few questions; gave the nurses space to share, and then prayed a short prayer. Afterward, the nurse that had set up this meeting thanked me saying, “more than anything that you said, your presence made a difference.”

I have heard this word presence used to talk about the work of a chaplain a number of times in my short career as a chaplain. One patient shared, “I could feel your presence as you entered my room.” Another said, “you didn’t have to say much, your presence with us was enough.”

As I have been reflecting on this word, I think of a few definitions of the word presence. The first one is just that act of being present; or just showing up. Being a youth pastor taught me that just showing up for a student was enough to make a difference. Showing up at their play or their game was enough to make a lasting memory for that student and family. There is a quote that says, “80%of success is showing up.” Being present and showing up for someone in a moment of need- like when they are in the hospital is enough to make a person into a lifelong friend. Just this morning, I was remembering the times when my pastors had shown up when I was in the hospital, or when my daughter was born; I’ll never forget those memories. 

One of the miracles that we see in the Bible is the Incarnation of Christ. The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. God showed up and Earth and was present for us and with us. As chaplains and spiritual care workers, we are God’s love incarnated in a hospital room. We are His hands, His ears, and the mouthpiece for His words. 

Another definition of the word presence is this idea of an aura, or demeanor. I work with a Catholic priest, and he has a presence about him as he enters a room. He speaks in religious and formal language and his presence commands a sense of reverence and respect. When he prays, there is a feeling of holiness and sacredness to his words.

As an old youth pastor, I relate to patients that same way that used to relate to teenagers: with a kind of enthusiasm and informality that puts people at ease. I can’t recreate the presence that a priest friend has, and that has to be ok for me. 

A third kind of presence is the idea of being undistracted. It brings about this idea of focusing on the person that you are with; being in the moment; being fully present, no matter how difficult or awkward that a situation may be. I think everyone has been around someone who was not fully present. As a youth worker, I have talked to hundreds of kids who weren’t really listening to what I was saying, they were too distracted by their phone, or their friend, or something else; and that’s ok. 

I want to be the picture of success for being fully present. I am always looking to grow in this area. I watch other chaplains ask questions, and listen for answers, and listen closely, and I am always mentally taking notes. I want to continue to grow in my ability to be fully present with whoever I am with. This is a discipline, a habit, not an accident. It takes work, and I want to continue to work at it. 

As a chaplain, I want my presence to make a difference. I want to step into a room and be fully present. I want my presence to be warm, comforting, and encouraging; and I want to keep getting better and better as it as I continue in this role.

God is love.
-rev-rob